UNDESERVING

Hello there! 

How are you doing this fine day? I hope you're fine and that God is with you always. 

Welcome to today's gist. 

So I was, once again, reading a Brooke St James Book, it's called Split Decision and there's something in the book that I thought to share. This is totally unrelated to the gist but I went to check and turns out I've read every book Brooke St James has written till today, I really deserve a Brooke St James loyalist badge! 

But back to the gist, in the book Stevie fell into a stroke of good fortune, and I use this term loosely for lack of a better way to explain what I'm talking about. However, she kept doubting the entire thing and feeling like she didn't deserve it. It felt too good to be true so she felt it would only be temporary and not last. There's something I learned from what David told her and that's what I'm sharing. He told her (and I'm definitely paraphrasing) how he also felt so undeserving and 'put down' most days but he would always remember that everything he had was a gift of God and that was what helped him overcome on those days he was hit with self doubt. When I read that, I learnt some very important lessons that I want to share. 

The first thing I learnt is that I truly am undeserving of all that God gives me. This is not an attempt to put myself down, it's really just a statement of fact: I don't deserve any of the gifts God gives me, from the spiritual things to the physical things. There's nothing I would every do that would ever make me worthy to receive all that God has given me; even if I were sinless and a saint, I still wouldn't deserve it but now I'm not. I'm a sinner, trying to live right by God and messing up most days, completely undeserving of God's mercies yet He decided to bestow them on me anyway. He looked at the entire creation and decided that I, Achenyo Salifu (put your name if you will), will be the recipient of the many blessings He has bestowed on me. 

So on the days when I'm feeling totally useless and worthless, and having a bit, or a lot, of an imposter syndrome, I try to remind myself that God knew how unworthy I am when He decided to gift me all that He has gifted me. I tell myself that because God doesn't make mistakes, He knew what He was doing when He blessed me and so I am a recipient made worthy by His decision to make me worthy. So I know now, and I'm sure, that I am deserving of the blessings and that's simply because God made me so. 

The next thing I learned is that I must be careful not to misuse these things God has blessed me with. Now this is the one I typically have more struggle with. It's very common to find that we misuse things we have that we didn't work for, whether it's money, opportunities, abilities… the fact that we didn't have to pay for something is almost always a guarantee that we will misuse it. My brother Sokombaa says that to make a person committed to something, make them financially committed too, because people will want to make the most of what they've had to pay for. 

But we never have to pay for the gifts God gives us, so that means it's almost guaranteed that we'll end up misusing them. Sometimes the reason I waste a gift God has given me is the fact that I'm so focused on how undeserving I am that I forget to use it the way I should.

But that's really the whole point of me being given the gift, to be able to use it well! Some days I'm able to catch myself in time and not completely misuse the gift, other days I fail terribly and waste it. But I'm learning and trying to be more conscious about effectively utilizing the gifts God has given me. 

I wasn't going to talk about this because it isn't a lesson I learnt from the book but as I was writing, I realized that the gift we waste the most is the gift of time. The crazy part is that this is the most finite gift we have, it's going to run out one day and we don't know when that day would be. So we need to really be mindful of how we spend the time we have been gifted by God because e go finish!

Anyway, if you're like me and have been listening to the lies, whether by the devil, other people or yourself, that you aren't good enough, I want to encourage you today to know thay the only person who really gets to determine whether you're deserving of God's gifts is God Himself and He says you are deserving! You are worth it and you are good enough! Never let anyone tell you otherwise. 

Till we meet next week!

Love, 

Achenyo. 

PS. My birthday's in 8 days!! And I'm so excited!