STILL CLOSING THE CURTAIN...

Hello there! How e dey be?

Welcome to today's gist, we'll be continuing from where we stopped yesterday, it's a long read and I really hope you stay to the end and maybe pick a lesson or two from my experience.

Yesterday I was talking about going through mental troubles; the most recent mental breakdown I had happened on the 15^th of December: that week was the third week in a row where I had to deal with inordinate amount of strife and contention and majorly because some people, who I have sort of referred to some posts ago (wishes aren’t horses) refused to do what is right, I remember telling my friends that day that I had fought so much in the weeks preceding to that day that I didn’t think I needed to fight anymore for the rest of my stay in the University; crazy thing was, as soon as I left where I was telling my friends that, I got into another argument on the same subject matter again. I remember going home and saying to myself “I really don’t like this very aggressive person I’m becoming”, and as soon as I said that, I just lost the will to even hold on or do anything anymore, I was at the end of the reserve of my mental strength and I couldn’t handle anymore. For about 40 hours after that, I just took the time to recoup and regain my mental strength, and I remember telling God how I was tired of struggling so much to keep afloat and I really needed His intervention because I was losing my mind! And He came through for me! In fact, a few days later, He restored! Of course, I had read time and again when He said He would restore what I lost in the years the cankerworm pillaged my land, but when He did it for me just a few days later, I got a new understanding of what He meant. Something that God has taught me again and again this year is that I really need to be conscious of my mental health, and very recently I learned that it is important to take time out to get my bearings. Before I had had to do that, I would always see people check out of basically the entire world when they were down mentally and only come back when they felt ready to deal with the world again; I sympathized with them, but now I understand where they come from because sometimes it just feels like you’re about to go under and never come out again, I can still remember the thoughts that ran through my head during the times I had mental struggles, and those thoughts and contemplations? May the Lord never let us see evil oh!

In this year, I’ve had to say goodbye to a couple of friendships. In this year, I had to learn to walk away from friendships that weren’t it anymore: I spoke of one of such instances a couple of posts ago (Friendships, Treasures). I’m learning that it is okay for friendships to come to an end, it hurts but I’ve discovered that in these instances, staying in unprofitable friendships is like continually pulling at a scab –the wound never heals. In the spirit of full disclosure, I was the “mumu” person in one of these friendships; I had sort of left a friendship untended, it was too late by the time I came back. So, learn from me and nurture your friendships.

I know it seems like 2022 was one very terrible year for me but it actually wasn’t. God blew my mind time and again this year, and I’m going to be sharing some of the very wonderful things He did for me.

The first thing I want to talk about is the gift of friendship: in this year I’ve been incredibly blessed with friends. There’s something about God that always blows my mind; how He caters for me. I think of the friends I’ve made this year and I realize that if God hadn’t blessed me with these people at the various points they came into my life, e for hard! And of course, the friends I’ve had since. At various points in the year when I’d feel like I’m drowning, God would just use a friend to throw me a lifeline –sometimes, through calls, messages, alerts, gifts, food, songs, books…. these things came at the exact time I needed a boost. I won’t call names, but una wey be my friends, I’m really grateful for you.

God blessed me this year with people who have stood with me and held my hands. I’m talking about people who I won’t typically call my friends but they’ve walked with me this year, picked me up when I fell, held me up like Aaron and Hur, lightened the load of the burden I’ve had to bear, kept me accountable on many fronts and made sure I didn’t lose my way. I’m also really grateful for these people.

This year God blessed me with opportunities that I didn’t think I would get, He opened doors that I would never have imagined and I’ve been blessed so incredibly by these doors; some were financial, some were to experiences, some others were to platforms, God really did it for me this year, I remember thinking to myself in July that at the rate things were, becoming a student again was going to be hard because I had left the realm of studentship but, here I am once again sha.

This year, God kept my family. Of course, I’ve spoken about losing my uncle, and that still hurts, but in this year, I’ve seen God’s deliverance over my family: from my brother surviving an attack in Zamfara, to my father suddenly having digestive issues that God fixed, to my healing my little ones from back-to-back illnesses, God kept us even in the days when we couldn’t see the way forward. He came through for us this year in so many ways in the nick of time, and we aren’t ending the year the exact number we began, but we’re ending the year grateful!

This year, God blessed me with clarity; for a long time I’ve struggled with finding my purpose, not knowing whether I’m really on track to do what God would have me do and a lot of indecision. However, as I walked through this year, God blessed me with clarity of purpose and pace, He gave me rest from my struggles and helped me find my place and pace in Him. I can tell you that that has helped me a lot with dealing with anxiety. So, I am encouraging you, if you’ve felt like you can’t really say who you are and what you should be doing, go to God, find yourself in Him and everything else will fall into place.

Another thing God did for me this year was the gift of validation. I spoke yesterday about the way I had felt when I couldn’t write a 60,000 word story in less than 2 weeks. Coming right on the heels of that experience was another writing job I had to do. There was no word count for this, only a time frame and a general idea. I remember that when I got the job, I had absolutely no idea of what I should do to develop the idea, I prayed and I started and I watched the idea burst forth brilliantly into life. I remember finishing that piece and saying to myself “Kai! You try!” God used that job to reconfirm my gift to me and let me know that I could still write. I remember sending the work to a couple of friends to read through and give me their thoughts and everyone told me that I did a good job. Moving from that experience, I had a deeper level of confidence in God and in the ability He gave me to write.

This blog and the community God has given me here is a gift that just keeps on giving. The family I have here is one that I absolutely do not take for granted. God has used this blog to teach me and bless me in so many ways: having to write every Thursday has been a lesson in consistency for me and I’m moving this lesson to other areas of my life, using this as an example. Also, the amount of times, I’ve had people read my posts and tell me that they learnt something from it, or just tell me that I’m doing well, has been a balm to my soul, and has helped me stay consistent and true on the days I feel discouraged, and I’m grateful for each one of you who come to read my blog. I remember how ecstatic I felt when the blog became a year old! It was such a wonderful feeling for me, like God was smiling down at me specially telling me “I told you you could.” I’m really grateful for, and to, all of you who come to read from my mostly scattered thoughts, let’s go again in 2023.

I almost forgot to add my gratitude for the way God silenced the mouths of my enemies on the 18th of December. So, in the weeks leading to that day, specifically from the 29th of November, we had started an Inter-Chambers competition in school and during that period was when I fought the plenty fights. Now, these fights weren't from a place of "I want to be difficult" it was from a place of "my people shouldn't be made to suffer because they have decided to participate in Chambers" but for every time I had to stand up for the welfare of my people, I had to face so much contention, disdain, animosity and backstabbing. I can still remember how the Jural Court was full to capacity and overflow on the 18th for the finals. And in that sea of people, only a handful were there because they wanted me to succeed, a lot of people were preparing, and had even begun, to gloat but when the results were announced, my Chambers didn't just win, we had a margin that was the highest in the entire competition! I remember holding my friend Mercy and just crying while she was thanking God for the win; He stopped the reproach intended against me for standing up for my people, this was the restoration I was talking about earlier: as I stood there that day, I knew that God had blessed me for the strain, stress and strife I had faced for the weeks leading to that day. Interestingly, that was the first time in my 5 sessions in University that my Chambers had gone to the finals, and God gave us the victory!

Pheew! Another day, another long read. Please stick with me, tomorrow I’ll be sharing some mistakes I made this year and the lessons I’ve picked from them. Please feel free to share your thoughts on how 2022 was for you, I’d love to hear about it.

See you tomorrow.

 

Love,

Achenyo.