AND THE CURTAINS OF 2022 CLOSE!

My sister always says that the two people you can never deceive are God and yourself; no matter what you say to others, when it's time to tell yourself the same lies, you find that you cannot. In the last three days, I've been struck by how uncanny that piece of advice is.

Welcome to our last post for 2022!

To end this series, I'll be sharing some mistakes I've found that I made this year and the lessons I've learned from them; I hope you learn a thing or two too.

The first mistake I made this year was that I didn't lean on God as much as I should have. Oh I prayed, committed things to His hand, sought His guidance and will, received His counsel, then went my own way to do wetin sweet me. So even when God gave me solutions to problems I was facing, or a way out of a predicament I was in, I would still go my own way and I always ended up landing myself in problem. I realized that though I wanted to lean on God more, I would somehow end up wrestling for the reins, and it's not like I no anything oh! Just be driving myself into wahala left and right. So I'm deciding to be more intentional about staying in God and acting only upon His instructions.  

Another mistake I made this year, and it shames me to say this, is inconsistency. As I reviewed my goals for the year and analysed them, I realized that for some goals, the reason I didn't achieve them was that I started working on them then stopped along the way. Now starting is fine, but continuing and seeing it through was where I had problems. Of course I had excuses for why I stopped on the way, but I'm choosing to not cut myself any slack for my misbehaviour and I'm going to try to do better. I've decided that in this coming year, I'll chip off little bits of each goal steadily, I'll have a better shot at being consistent and achieving the goals that way.

The next mistake I found that I made this year was procrastination. I looked at some goals that were sort of a carryover from last year, projects I didn't finish last year but hoped to finish this year but I kept putting them off and here I am, few hours to the end of the year and I still didn't complete them. While I was analyzing those goals and the reasons I didn't achieve them, I realized that because I didn't set timelines for some, and because I was the one holding myself by the timelines - there was no deadline to meet so to speak, I kept putting off doing those things. And as I thought of how much I would otherwise have done if I didn't put off these tasks, I am enraged at my folly. This procrastination problem wasn't only for the projects and goals I had set, it included even doing things that I eventually did. For example, some days I'll put off posting on the blog until it's almost the end of the day before I'd remember to post; on other days, I'd end up posting in the early hours of Friday because I kept saying "make I wait small". This, sadly, wasn't the only time I procrastinated and it cost me so much this year that I know I'll be doing better in the coming year because when I wrote all that I could have achieved if I hadn't procrastinated, e reach to slap myself walahi!

Another mistake I found that I made this year was that I still stuck to some company that was unhealthy for my growth. I have been in the process of cutting off unhealthy company for a while, or at least reducing contact to the barest minimum, but there were some relationships that I just couldn't find a way out of. Initially, I had told myself that since I would have been graduating this year, those friendships would have subsequently died the death of distance. But ASUU and Federal Government no gree so I no come graduate this year again. Because I hadn't taken the steps to end these relationships, I am still saddled with them till now. The effect of these friendships was that it had me lapsing into dangerous habits that ultimately didn't augur well for my 2022. But in 2023, graduation or no graduation, I am breaking free of these friendships.

Probably the last mistake I'll be sharing from this year is the fact that I let my emotions run wild. This isn't only in reference to anger: joy, sorrow, pain, excitement.... I didn't keep a tight enough rein on my emotions and it cost me plenty. So for this coming year, I will be more intentional about making sure I have more self control after all, it is the fruit of The Spirit and I have The Spirit, I just need to be willing to unlock it, and unlock it I will.

One other mistake I made this year was that I didn't submit to those in authority over my life as much as I should. Normally, I no dey too like stress people with my personal problems so most times that I needed someone to keep me accountable, I didn't talk to anyone because I didn't want to stress them, and the result? I realized the hard way that I wasn't disciplined enough to hold myself accountable and I fell. I have decided that in this coming year, I will be very open to sharing and having people hold me accountable, make I no fall needlessly.

Forget wetin I been talk up about that being the last, this is the last mistake I'll be sharing that I made: I checked out a lot of times this year. I don't know how to explain this problem but I'll try. A couple of years ago, I found that one of the ways I dealt with being overwhelmed was to check out of everything, I would just hibernate emotionally and even mentally; I created a safe haven in my mind where I could block the world and exist in a space that only I would be in and only what I wanted would enter, sort of like what Heather (at least I think that's her name) did for her family in 'The Originals' with Nick Klaus being their link to the outside world. Now, checking out wasn't the problem, the problem was how often I did it, sometimes like 5 or 6 times in a day, and it could drag on for minutes, sometimes hours, at a time:  it didn't matter where I was or what I was doing, I would just leave and stay out till I felt ready to return (I really hope I am explaining this well and it doesn't sound like a mental problem). Because I had so many things overwhelm me, I craved, and sort of became addicted to having, a safe space to be in and exist. The problem with that was that I checked out so much that I wasn't in the present as much as I should have been. I'm already working on curbing that and redirecting my mind to the here and now when I find myself doing that, and I hope to work more on that in the coming year after all, na me learn am, I go unlearn am by God's grace. 

So that is it, my mistakes for the year, at least those I am comfortable sharing. I hope you learn from my mistakes as I have. I also hope you've noted the mistakes you made this year and learn from them too. It is important that we learn from the mistakes we've made this year so that in the new year, we would make smarter and more intentional decisions. 

I pray the new year is filled with blessings for us and that we make the most of the opportunities God will give us therein.

Thank you for staying with me in 2022, let's do this again next year. 

See you next year!

Love,

Achenyo.