THE POISON "LOVE" IS

 Hi there! 

How are you doing today? I pray all is well with you. 

Welcome to today's gist. 

I've been trying to articulate my thoughts on this subject for a while now but it hasn't been going too well, I hope today's own is better. 

I've recently become good acquaintance with this girl; she's lovely, jovial, beautiful, well mannered, God loving and really so kind. One day, in a burst of emotion, she tells me about the issues she's been having with her boyfriend, and boy was I wowed! I had seen a couple of toxic relationships before but this one was probably taking all the cake. This lovely young lady that I will "Maggie" (definitely not her actual name) is in a relationship with a guy who cheats on her regularly, he demeans her, gossips about her, emotionally abuses her and has recently began to attempt physical abuse. I won't go into the specifics of her plight but believe me when I say she's in a bad place. I asked her one day, "why you still dey with this boy?" She began to tell me how she was getting too old to not be married, how her mates were married and her juniors too, and that people were already beginning to refer to her as an old cargo, this was why she was deciding to stay with this guy. I tried to tell her that all the fear and pain she felt over not being married early would pale in comparison with the suffering she'd be putting herself through if she married wrongly, and she seemed like she was listening but of course, the next time we had a conversation on the subject, they had reconciled and so everything I said just sounded like because I was single, I didn't want her to be in a relationship. Another day, they had an issue and she came again, this time she was saying how she had resigned herself to the fact that he would continue to cheat on her even after they were married and I asked her why she was even thinking of marrying a man she had caught cheating on her because it didn't make any sense, she tells me he is the most generous boyfriend she had ever had, another day it was that he loved her family. Each time we have this conversation, she comes up with excuses for his terrible behavior and her willingness to condone it and ends it with the fact that she is praying to God to come and take control of the relationship. I'm amazed especially because she seems like someone who would typically not stomach that kind of behavior. And it makes me so sad. 

I've always heard that there's no advising a woman in love because when she's head-over-heels in love, she will be unwilling to listen to reason for as long as the reasoning would lead to her leaving her toxic relationship. I know for a fact that this is not one-sided, there are men who fall into toxic relationships but are unable to come out of them. It's got me wondering how people find themselves in these situations where nothing you say makes sense, is love really blind? What can be done to help those in toxic relationships know that they can and should leave?

 I've talked and talked to "Maggie", I've prayed and am still praying for her, but please I need help. What tips do you think I can offer to help her leave this relationship, to help her begin to value herself and know that she deserves more than her current boyfriend gives her. Please I'd really appreciate your suggestions on what I can say to help this lady. Thanks. 

See you next week. 

Love,

Achenyo.