ACQUAINTANCE, NOT FRIEND!

 Hi😁😁! Happy New Month! How has April been so far?

I hope you're doing good? 

I was in Church and the story of Ahab came into brief discussion, and something that I had never thought of, or maybe I had in passing, hit me. When Ahab married Jezebel, she wasn't the only one to come into his life and into Israel, she came with her gods, her beliefs and her practice! It was then that it struck me why God said not to be unequally yoked in 2nd Corinthians 6:14, because it's not just the person that comes into your life, they come into your life with their beliefs, their values, their relationship with whoever it is that they serve, their habits, etcetera, and these things will definitely rub off on you whether or not you want it to. And that is why today we'll be talking about knowing the kind of people to let in. 

Making friends is a necessity in our lives because we literally cannot go through life without friends, however making the right friends is even more important. In the euphoria of making new friends or establishing new connections, it is very easy to forget that these friends will have a definite impact on our lives and I think it's one mistake we make which ends up costing us more than we bargained. Ever noticed that after being friends with someone for a while, you begin to incorporate their vocabulary, mannerisms and even ways of reasoning into your life? Sometimes, I'll catch myself saying something and in my mind I'll be like "you just sound like Ramatu now now". And I know I'm not the only one in this. Little by little, our friends begin to rub off on us. So, knowing that your friends have this great ability to affect your life, shouldn't you be careful with the kind of friends you bring into your life? In my opinion, you should! 

Anyone with whom I've ever had a discussion on friendships would know that I'm extremely careful about the people I call my friends, for me it goes way beyond warm greetings, hugs and smiles –na my normal mode of greeting be that. And one reason I'm so particular about that is the fact that when I call you my friend, I'm going to be letting you into my life, I'm indirectly giving you the opportunity to influence my life to a certain degree; with that mindset, not everyone is allowed to be my friend. So, I'll be sharing the criteria with which I decide who to befriend, make I just add say na my own list be this oh! You no need follow am hook, line and sinker. 

The first thing for me is who you worship. I'm a Christian, and I love God like mad!! So for me, when I'm deciding on a friend, it has to be someone who also loves God and desires to have a relationship with Him. I have this particular requirement here because when I'm talking to my friends, I love to have conversations that will build our collective and individual faith in God. Make e no come be say when I mention God, everything go just turn awkward, or the entirety of our God related conversations na to dey argue on who be God? Or which God should I serve, because what? I do not joke with this! So, I can be talking to you, and friendly with you, but on how your life go fit draw me from God, omo na friendly acquaintances we be oo!

The next thing I like to be careful about concerning friends is their moral values. Over time, this is something that I have not always gotten correct so I've found myself in many situations where I've had friends influence my moral values in bad ways, and it was only the grace of God that removed me from the madness I was going into. So, what are your friends beliefs of dressing, on theft, on exam and other forms of academic malpractice, on cheating, on sex and everything that connects to it, on marriage, on love, on pride, on hard-work, on borrowing and repaying, on packaging, on loyalty and fidelity... the list is long. These issues may not seem important but believe me when I say they are. Like play like play, you will one day discover that while you previously had a firm stand on exam malpractice for example, your friend's views have begun to make you see it's purportedly only exam malpractice when you're doing it for your benefit, but when it's for another person's benefit, it's "help", or that so long as you do not actually have sex in the literal sense of the word, anything else can go, or that it's alright to "show small skin". For me, the moral standing of my friends is something I've began to take very seriously. I didn't always take this seriously and it has actually resulted in my having friends with whom I stood on an entirely different moral ground, and it took me a while to let go of some of such friendships and I'm still trying to untangle myself from others. 

So, these are the two main criteria I use to determine who I call my friends and let into my life in that capacity (other small small one dey sha). I've learned that it is better to determine from the onset whether I should be friends with someone or remain acquaintances, than to begin to do that later in the day because the latter will surely cause bad blood. However, the moment you realize that you're on a different tangent with a friend and you feel the need to let go of the friendship, don't be scared to do that, do not allow yourself be drawn into a hole you may never be able to come out of. But, like I said last week, be careful when closing the door. 

I really hope this has been helpful to you and that you come up with a yardstick for determining who you let into your life so that you control what they bring. 

Till next time. 

Love,

Achenyo.