REST!!

There's this song that used to be aired on "Jim Jam" and it goes "It's today, my special day; it's today, my special day; I've been waiting and going, and it's suddenly here!" That's literally what has been playing in my head since yesterday evening. 

So it's my birthday today!!!! And I'm so happy! The funny thing is that this is not any "milestone" age but it's by far the most significant I've turned, more than when I became a teenager or an adult, or entered my twenties or even gained contractual capacity, and it's so because of the journey that brought me here. Stay with me. 

Now, I'm one of those people for whom birthdays are a big deal, like I can be counting down to my birthday from at least a month to the day. So, as February 22th came, I began to count the days till my birthday. I didn't post daily reminders like I used to do until 2020, I didn't go about spending the news, but everyday in my heart, I marked off a day that brought me closer to my birthday. We got into March and I was ecstatic! I downloaded Emma OhmyGod's March celebrants' song and listened to it with joy. Then boom!

I sank into depression. I remember talking a little about it two posts ago and honestly when I talked about it, I thought I had overcome it, boy was I wrong! Around that time, there were literally millions of things coming at me at once; responsibilities I was failing at, things I was letting fall apart because I was trying to succeed at the responsibilities I was failing at, the pressure I put on myself because of the responsibilities I have, and of course the Lord the devil was feeding me  I was literally hanging on by the thread! And the thread was frayed sef. From like say 2nd March till like 2 days ago, I cried more times than I could count; I'd think I was done crying and then, waterworks! I literally didn't know what to do, I prayed and prayed but it was one of those "the teacher is silent during the test" times so I was literally not hearing anything from God. What I know He did was place the burden in the heart of my friends to talk to me, randomly check up on me, pray for me, advice me. And it'll work, I'll think "Oh! I'm alright now" and give me a few hours, I was back where I was. Sometimes even the words of advice would add to my problems and get me into a worse state, and not because the words were harmful oo, just because.... And this continued on and on. I literally didn't know what to do, I prayed and prayed, repeated affirmations to myself, did all I could to cheer myself up.

Then two days ago, God sent three people to talk to me, and my best friend of course! And that was it. It literally felt like a switch had been turned off and I could now come out of the terrible darkness I had under for three weeks and believe me it felt really liberating!! This experience gave me an insight on the kinds of things that pushed people to suicide –no I wasn't thinking of suicide, in my case I just wanted to drop every responsibility I had because the weight of it was becoming too damaging for me, but it helped me understand just how terrible life could become for people that they'd decide to end their lives. 

While I was running silently mad, God told my friend Joy to tell me to come to His rest and I really wanted to! So when I finally got myself and just two days to my birthday, it was a confirmation for me that from here on, I am in His rest; I will not have to stress and suffer, not because the world won't come at me to make me, but because I'm choosing now to never forget that I am I'm my season of rest and I cannot carry stress in my rest. Like my friend ShuGz would always tell me "you can't have what God hasn't given you", so for this year, I know that God has given me rest, so I cannot have anything else! 

So, this is the end of my story on my tumultuous journey here. If you're going through a dark patch now, I want you to know that God sees you and He's enabling you to come out stronger, just stay with Him.

 I pray we all have comfort in our souls! 

Love, 

Achenyo.